A day in the life... High Dependency

 

So here we were, room 8 of NICU, in what will forever now be Evelyn's Corner. Life became a little more chilled I suppose you could say. We formed more of a routine. 

Aly had gone back to work and I spent my days in NICU with my girl. I no longer had to wait outside the room while ward rounds happened, I could be with Evelyn. The blinds were a bit problematic at first (i.e. broken) so a lot of sun was shining in and we had to do some elaborate covering of her incubator so it wasn't disturbing her. Other than that, things were as well as they could be.

The day would start for me in the early hours. I would wake myself up around 1am to express. I would have popped the equipment on to sterilise before I went to sleep so it was ready to just hook up. I would express while watching some British comedy usually on either BBC or Channel 4. Once finished I would need to head down to the kitchens, pop the milk in the fridge, wash all the expressing parts and pop them back on to sterilise. My alarm would be ready to wake me up again around 6am to express again.

Express, wash, sterilise, repeat.

Aly would be getting up around this time to get ready for work. He would always pop across and spend some daddy - daughter time with Evelyn before he headed to work, often to be able to feed her. This also gave me the chance to get everything ready for the day. Once I was in NICU I rarely left until I went back to bed again. I would shower, eat breakfast and get together anything Evelyn might need for the day ahead. Also, any chores that needed doing I would get rid of then. I would make myself a brew in my thermos mug and head over.

Once there my day truly began, I was with Evelyn and my heart was full again. I would give her kisses and hold her hand, talk to her and let her know how much I had missed her and loved her. I would catch up with the nurse, see if there was any updates. Strange questions like 'how were her gases this morning?' (I will save that for another day) or 'Has she had any bradies?'. Imagine it becoming so normal to ask if your baby had stopped breathing at all and her heart rate plummeted? 

Express, wash, sterilise, repeat.

I would sit there, seeing to her, watching her, speaking to her. Keeping an eye on the time ready for lunch. Now this might seem strange but let me explain. I couldn't eat my lunch with her on the ward, so I would have to leave her. I knew I needed to eat to keep my strength up for expressing and in general being there for Evelyn. However, I knew once lunch was out the way I would be getting her out and having skin-on-skin cuddles all afternoon. She had so many wires and tubes that it was very difficult to get her out, so when I did I wanted to keep her out for as long as possible. So I would run and grab food and get back asap.

Express, wash, sterilise, repeat.

The time came and I got her out. There were reclining chairs in NICU and I tried my best to keep one (very selfishly may I add) in Evelyn's Corner. I would lay Evelyn on my chest and we would sit there for hours and hours. I would chat to her, read to her and sing to her. It was heaven. I often took photos of us for Aly and send them over. I did particularly love ones like the above where it looks like she's swearing at him. I never lost my childish sense of humour.

I can't begin to tell you the amount of times I wet myself as I ran to the toilet. I just waited that little too long to put her back. I didn't care and still don't care. It was always such a wrench to put her back to bed.

Express, wash, sterilise repeat.

As evening approached I would countdown for her until it was time for daddy to turn up after work. We'd both do her cares together and, when she started wearing clothes, get her dressed again. The we'd pop back to get some tea.

Express, wash, sterilise, repeat.

After tea we'd go back over to say night night to Evelyn, catch up with the nurse who would be looking after her overnight, do her bedtime cares. We would often just talk to her for a little bit or read her a story. Then might heart would break as I would have to say night night and walk away until the next morning. 

Express, wash, sterilise, repeat.

I would pop my head down to sleep. My head would be full of anxieties so I often wouldn't get the sleep very quickly. To give you an example, I once saw a fire engine heading down the hospital road. Lying there I convinced myself that Evelyn's, and only Evelyn's, incubator was on fire. Completely irrational, but it kept me awake that night.

1am - express, wash, sterilise repeat.