One special cuddle

 

As I sit here, about to write this article, I have become overwhelmed with emotion looking at this photo. Evelyn is so incredibly poorly by this time, I willed myself to believe we had a future, that there was hope.

I am forever grateful to Laurin for making this day happen.

As I mentioned previously, when a baby is intubated, you cannot cuddle them, unless under strict and careful supervision.

Laurin and I planned the day so that I could have her out, this is one of the photos taken of that moment. I can't remember how long I managed to have her out for; it was several hours though.

The thing is, time stopped still for me that afternoon. 

It had been 2 weeks since I had held her close to me. That had felt like a lifetime. We were back together, as we always had been, Evelyn and me against the world.

I was fully present in that moment, I don't remember worrying about when it would end, I just soaked up every second of her. Her skin was so soft, she smelled so beautifully, I felt her breathing that breath that I was so grateful she still had, felt her heart still beating.

She was no longer that feisty little lady though, that fight had left her. All her energy was taken up by fighting to survive. I hope that our cuddle helped soothe her trauma.

I would have sat there forever, but eventually Evelyn became restless. That was when she needed to be put back into her cot. If she moved about too much, she might dislodge her breathing tube and that would not have been good.

That pain of separation broke my heart again. Was it worth it though - what do you think? Every second of that cuddle was worth an infinite number of heartbreaks.