It hurts...


I came to my blog tonight to write something, anything, about our time together. Sometimes my heart is in so much pain I just cannot. I try to find the memories in my head but they are murky, I look at the photos of us together and I feel robbed. Not only do I not have you anymore, but the trauma and depression also rob me of seeing our memories clearly. So I feel lost and empty.

I come to my blog to reach out to you, to feel the memory of you, but sometimes you are out of reach. 

At times this blog feels like a comfort blanket and I am able to speak about my time and its a comfort as I feel close to Evelyn, telling our story. The times I don't tell you about are these times. The times I come to my blog to write, but I have nothing. The times that I just want to come home to my little girl, her beaming at me as she runs to greet me, hear myself be called mummy.

Grief is like living 2 lives.
One is where you pretend that everything is alright,
and the other is where your heart silently screams in pain.
                                                        -Anon


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