Evelyn Jasmine



Once I had been stitched up I was taken to the recovery area. I remember feeling so lost and alone. The nurse came over to me and congratulated me. I remember being asked did we have a name for our baby girl. As soon as I had seen her I knew she was Evelyn. We had discussed various names, Aly liked Jasmine, I liked Aurora, and we both liked Evelyn. Really I should have waited to confirm with Aly but at that moment I knew she was Evelyn, so I said she was. I thought it might make up to Aly to have her middle name as Jasmine seen as I had just gone with my gut. Evelyn Jasmine. A beautiful name appropriate for a beautiful baby.

I am not sure how long I was in recovery or what else happened, I really was just so lost. I had had a baby and I had no idea where she was. Obviously I knew she was being looked after, but she's meant to be with me. Eventually I was moved to another recovery area and reunited at some point with Aly and our parents. So much of this time is a blur to me, I suppose all I could really think was I want to see Evelyn, was she ok, what was happening to her? One of the NICU nurses arrived to bring me an iPad so that I could see Evelyn. That was wonderful, but again heart wrenching. I didn't know how long it would take for the spinal to wear off so that I could actually get to see her in person, touch her, smell her, just take in every wonderful part of her. I have since found out that my first encounter with a NICU nurse was a wonderful nurse called Gemma, who would be one of many nurses that looked after Evelyn and became a very special part of our story. 

I was taken back to the maternity ward to wait for my movement and feeling to return. As soon as I could wiggle I was asking to be helped to stand and walk. I timed it right, which was a relief, and the catheter was removed (weird... very weird). I could go and see Evelyn. Aly wheeled me down and I entered NICU for the first time. Little did I know we would be making that journey every day for the next 15 weeks. 

The first nurse I remember was Esther. She had written out Evelyn's details on the card that hung on her incubator: 

D.O.B - 25/01/19

Time of Birth - 14:18

Gestation - 32+5 weeks

Birth Weight: 1.324kg

There she was, my baby girl. She was so tiny and had so many probes on her and tubes in her. Her consultant came to see us to explain the problems she had, but none of it really sank in on the Friday evening. All I could take in was her, she was remarkable. I was so overwhelmed and frightened. I didn't want to do anything to hurt her. 

Our first skin on skin cuddle was so special. Just to be able to feel her, feel her breathing. I couldn't get her out myself, the nurses would bring her out and place her into my nightie for me. She was so incredibly tiny and delicate. I loved her, more than I could ever explain. 
 

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