The Fetal Medicine Unit

It has been some time since I posted to my blog, and even longer since I touched on our journey through pregnancy. I feel ready again to continue with that story. To recap slightly we had attended our 20-week scan at Stepping Hill hospital to find that our baby’s heart was on the wrong side and potentially not connected. We had been referred to the Fetal Medicine Unit at St Mary’s hospital, Manchester.

A week later we arrived at St Mary’s for a further scan with a consultant obstetrician. One thing I will say is that thank goodness you only need a full bladder for your initial 12-week scan. All my further scans, and there were many, did not require this. The consultant scanned my belly thoroughly and we were then sent to wait in the consultation rooms. Funnily enough these rooms did not have the same feeling as the room at Stepping Hill. They were more clinical; I did not feel that oppressive weight of bad news that I had felt in Stepping Hill.

The obstetrician came to discuss her findings with us and we were hit with yet more uncertainty. Even with the better equipment at St Mary’s they still could not see if the heart was connected. She explained that if we could not see that the heart was connected we would need to discuss termination. That was the first time that word had been said out loud. I knew that if the heart wasn’t connected then there was no chance of survival but hearing the word was another blow. They booked us an appointment the next day with the Fetal Heart Specialist. We went home and we just didn’t know what to do, what to say, what to think. Was this the end?

The very next day, Friday, first thing in the morning, we had our scan with the fetal heart specialist. I felt sick. The anxiety was numbing. He found the connections. My god was that good to hear. Baby’s heart was on the wrong side but the connections were there. I have never experienced relief on that scale. He explained that the heart being on the wrong side was not overly concerning. Many people have their heart on the wrong side and would be completely unaware. The muscle wall of the heart was a little on the thick side, but he also was not concerned about that to much. We would have a further scan with him 8 weeks later just as a further check up on progress. At these appointments was the first time the term VACTERL had been brought to our attention, but in our elation at the news that the heart was ok we didn’t take that in. This would be something we became more aware of later. This was week 21 and I had had 5 scans so far. The ups and downs were exhausting.

 

I just wanted to touch on why I have not posted in a while. In a very short space of time I feel I have had to try to some how come to terms with 2 new ‘normals’. First, and most prominently, the loss of Evelyn turned my world upside down. I have changed and I need time to get used to my new world. Then COVID happened. Everyone’s world got turned upside down and again I am fighting now with 2 new ‘normals’. Not being able to easily see family and friends for support, not being able to hug people. I am a very tactile person and I adore a hug with the people I love. It feeds my spirit. To be grieving in this time is incredibly difficult and I was, and still am, exhausted and emotionally drained.