Burial

On the 21st November we buried Evelyn’s ashes. It’s taken a couple of weeks to be able to return to writing my blog. Even now, after writing that first line, I just take a moment that seems to last a lifetime. I miss her everyday, so much. I can’t explain what it feels like to see your daughter reduced to ashes, it’s hurts more than I can describe. I would give anything to hold her tiny hands again, see her beautiful big eyes open again, cuddle her against my chest, feeling her breathe. 

Aly and I went to the dark sky park in Northumberland over the weekend, glamping. There is no light pollution there so at night the sky is just spectacular. I believe that we all start as stardust and end as stardust. To me there isn’t anything more beautiful than a clear night sky, looking up at the stars I feel so insignificant but also part of something so magnificent. I see Evelyn in the stars, watching us, loving us. 

We then visited York on our way home overnight. York is one of our favourite cities, we were there this time last year in blissful ignorance of what the future held. York was hard. The places we visited knowing last year we thought we’d be returning with Evelyn. Seeing things we thought we’d have bought our little girl, the little tartan dress that she’d have looked adorable in. 

The weight of this pain is unbearable.