Bad Days
Today is a bad day. Trauma comes when you least expect it. I get these awful, vivid nightmares, often less direct than last night's, which I will come to shortly. The regular, recurring theme, is needing to do something private (that we all do privately), and not being left alone while I do. I am sure you can read between the lines. It is incredibly disturbing. In the dreams I beg to be left alone, but its as if the people disturbing me don't hear me. They aren't necessarily interacting with me, just there, going about their own business, but I am on full display. Last night's, however, was direct. I still see elements of the nightmare vividly now. I gave birth to two baby girls, at separate times, and both just died, without warning, within hours. The reaction of everyone around me was oh well, lets crack on. I couldn't crack on. I found myself in different scenarios, throwing objects around the place in anger, very very violent anger. In the dream people would ...